How do you get off a nonstop flight?
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word?
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold?
How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How is it possible to have a "civil" war?
How is it possible to run out of space?
How long is the long arm of the law?
How many people does it take to change a searchlight bulb?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven?
If a candle factory burns down, does everyone just stand around and sing "Happy Birthday?"
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk?
If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?
If a picture is worth a thousand words, what is a picture of a thousand words worth?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it a ham-hock?
If a pizza place sells pizza by the slice, is there a guy in the back tossing a triangle in the air? --Steven Wright
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb?
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go?
If all the world is a stage, whereis the audience sitting?
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If bees live in an apiary, do apes live in a beeiary?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright
If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear?
If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?
If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant
If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums?
If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright
If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin
If God dropped acid, would he see people?
If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
If humans have nightmares, what do horses have?
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bag?

 

There are some good ones in there.

 

that was pretty good